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Thoughts on suicide

webmaster@nargalzius.com — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 14:40:33 +0800

I find it unnerving that I had the unfortunate luck of hearing about two suicides that are at most 2 degrees of separation apart from myself. If I had to count the number of suicides that are of similar degrees apart since college… it would be 6. How fucked up is that huh?

We all have read about the first in the papers, but a college bench-mate of ours had also killed herself a few days or weeks before.

I was personally disturbed because the latter incident (which is actually former if you do it chronologically) had literally jolted me to re-evaluate a position I had always stood by [vehemently] when it came to the subject. I had only mentioned it in passing on a useless survey/meme post I had 4 years ago, but I thought I might as well just put it out there for posterity’s sake.

Again, my only intention in this post is to explain the way I feel. I’m in no way saying that people should share the same sentiments. And of course, its never my intention to insult the memory of the departed - especially to those [common friends] who care about them more than I do. So take everything I say here with a grain of salt… and at best, just consider it as “understanding how Carlo feels about suicide” ;) Now if you feel that you will still be angered despite the disclaimers I said, then just stop reading now. But who are we kidding… we both know that warning will make you want to read the post even more ;)

Seriously though, I’m not here to pick a fight, so if you’re planning to comment with the purpose to pick a fight or tell me off, I’m already warning you that I will either not respond to your comment, or delete it. But if you just want to discuss and argue rationally, then feel free to tell me what you think.

Here’s a snippet of the part from the survey that’s directly related to the current discussion

QUESTION: do u think about suicide?

ANSWER

Never!

And here’s something else - I absolutely do not respect people who do it. Thinking about it is fine since we all have our “trials” at some point in our lives. The question is if you actually go through with it.

Suicide is simply giving up. There is no “justification” no matter how you slice it. You gave up… simple as that.

Fucking cowards, that’s what they are, and I don’t feel sorry for them one goddamn bit! Why should I be? There are a whole bunch of people that are probably having a harder time than those pricks that killed themselves, you don’t see them giving up do you?

I don’t know about other people, but I know my friends aren’t cowards. So if one of them commits suicide, then they ain’t no friend of mine anymore!

Opposite poles

Naturally Ansky’s death was a particularly challenging experience in context of the last statement. Based on that statement, I should’ve been able to easily “judge” and decide how I felt about the situation and dismiss the news accordingly regardless of how other of our common friends felt about it. But surprisingly, I could still say without much hesitation that she was a friend when clearly, based on my statement, she shouldn’t be (at least not anymore) - which is even weirder because we weren’t that close. Hell, that picture I posted of her was probably one of the last times I saw the woman… that’s seven fucking years ago!

But all the same, I did feel quite bummed out the day I heard the news… and that feeling constantly makes me wonder to this day.

On the other hand, we have that suicide by one of Ateneo’s faculty members. A person I personally did not know. Now that was much easier to deal with - in line with my old belief.

However, considering how I felt about Ansky’s death, I couldn’t help but empathize with common friends who I saw were affected by the incident. Even if they had people who thought like me (God forbid) they still must be feeling bad somehow… and that realization was something I resonated with.

Close but not quite

Save for that last quoted sentence, I still can’t help but notice that most of those words I had uttered (well, actually typed) 4 years ago still ring true in my logical mind… painfully true.

If we take out all the “friendship” or “family” factors, I doubt anyone can argue with the fact that the act they ultimately chose to pursue was a cowards way out. I know it’s next to impossible to think this way, but that’s the truth. I myself wished it weren’t the case, but I really can’t think of any other explanation to justify it. Actually, there are a couple of reasons I can let slip by:

A genuine chemical disorder/imbalance (e.g. clinically depressed).
If you wanted to cash in on insurance for the people you’ll be leaving behind. And yes, this is possible to honor depending on the contract you make - it’s just that you’ll have to wait 4 years before you kill yourself for them to give you the money.
If someone told you to kill yourself in exchange for saving someone else’s life.
If you knowingly put yourself in a fatal situation to save someone else’s life.
Any scenario that can “justify” euthanasia (e.g. being in constant physical pain, etc.)

Did I miss anything? I don’t think so… only 4 reasons I can think of. Actually 3 and 4 are under the “saving lives” category so I’d hardly consider that killing yourself - although you’d be fully aware of your consent of dying.

Most of us are in the middle to upper middle class, and I think it’s really pathetic that we still can find reasons to go to such extremes. If you think you have a good reason of committing suicide, then I can assure you that about 99% of the world’s population should have the right to kill themselves before you do.

It’s when I think in this context that I can’t help let my Darwinian side get the best of me. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, but goddamnit; there are so many other less-fortunate people in the world who are toughing it out… you don’t see them giving up do you!?

So now when I try to analyze these contradicting emotions here’s what I think will make me deal with it better:

Mourn the loss of a friend/relative/etc… do not mourn the loss of their life.

I think that sums it up quite nicely. It covers the whole feeling bad of everyone concerned. The first part of the statement deals with the people that are left behind… and is reinforced by the second part.

Because if you really think about it, even if you take the personal view or the darwinian view, the event is really nothing to be sad about in terms of the people who killed themselves.

My Personal view

Personal: At least they’re in a better place. Case closed. If they really think that they’re lives were so tough that giving up was the best course of action, then we should be happy for them; they are finally beyond that which they claim that can hurt them.

My Darwinian view

Darwinian: A species’ worth is proven by their willingness to overcome - to survive. Humans are no exception. If you don’t value your life enough to think you deserve to exist in this earth… then that’s all the reason one really needs. It’s not up to other people to make you realize your worth… because we should be proving our worth to them. For as long as you don’t exert that worth, then you will remain worthless - no matter how much “potential” you have.

If that drive to overcome/prove one’s self is lacking in a person… then in a sense, they indeed are and will remain pretty much “worthless.” And if that indeed were the case, then a lot of other people in the world are more suited to take your place in the cosmological balance.

I admit, it’s not a thing we’d like to hear. It’s not even a jagged little pill; it’s a fucking full-blown splintered suppository to take… but is the truth.

If you want to feel sorry for anyone, feel sorry for the people that are left behind, because we’re the ones who’ll be toughing it out while the ones that went ahead wouldn’t have to worry anymore.

Religion

Now I don’t even want to get into this because of the obvious implications of these kinds of actions will entail.

The reason I mention it though is that I would like to take the time to comment on what someone told me was a nice homily given to one of the diseased.

It wasn’t God’s will for him to die.

Is it just me, or does anyone find it ironic that the doctrine of an entity that literally brought his own flesh and blood to the slaughter - would be used to put perspective into something as twisted as suicide? But then again, sending your son to the slaughter,¹ does seem just as twisted - so I guess it’s all good. I just got a kick out of that.

And to digress a bit; I also get a kick out of the fact that only in this Religion does the act of sending a beloved to die, seem like the most blessed act one can accomplish.

Maybe the US should be sending more troops to IRAQ. In fact, maybe they shouldn’t let the soldiers bring any guns… and die instead of kill - so they can save the souls of those Taliban sinners. We know that’s what Jesus would’ve done.

You know, I’d accept it if Jesus offered himself out of his own will, but according to the agony in the garden… he did want to back out. Plus there’s the whole convenience of the Trinity, which makes it seem as if God himself offered his own life (ergo probably didn’t send anyone to begin with). So which is it? Fully human where he can actually feel pain and fear, or fully divine where he shouldn’t break a sweat knowing that he really won’t die… EVER. Plus if he was fully divine, he can probably turn off his pain nerves if he wanted… but he didn’t… so either he was trying to brag about his tolerance for pain, or I’d have to go that he was FULLY HUMAN… and so I’d say he was sent to the slaughter ;)

Comedy aside, I guess my point simply was that while the homily might’ve been inspiring, or that it may have made people feel better about the whole incident… I just think it’s in extremely bad form and taste to even utter religious doctrine in context of an act that we all know pretty much damns a soul to hell by the very same creed interpreting the situation.

Conclusion

There you have it. basically I guess everyone concurs that suicide is bad… mmmkay? But I personally think that anyone who would indulge in it are doing greater damage to the people left behind than themselves.

In that sense, I’d say just call it even.

And TESTING someone by asking them to kill their child… what kind of a sick fucking test is that!? ↑

Another useless survey

webmaster@nargalzius.com — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 12:31:55 +0800

If you’re not the type who likes this sort of stuff, move right long - there’s nothing to be seen here.

Got this from Punzi

I also took the liberty of fixing the english on some of the questions.

Do you believe in magic?
Only figuratively
Have you found the one you want to spend your whole life with?
Yep
Are you happy with your life now?
For the most part
Do you think there’s still a chance for past lovers to get back together?
You mean with me? Probably not, but a general rule, yes.
How did you spend your Christmas last year?
With Cris and her family.
Who was your Valentine date?
Who else?
What song are you listening to right now?
This awesome song of a friend - which I hope hits the right people.
Last person you texted?
Cris
Last person who texted you?
Cris
When was the last time you smiled?
Last night
Why?
Because I was laughing.
Ever loved someone so much that it hurt?
Of course
What do you hate most about school?
The fact that everything I need today - I did NOT learn there.
I know, Cris is a teacher (an excellent one at that) and all. But seriously, I don’t see the need for school other than to keep a minimum level of competence for people who attend it. Otherwise, the most important things you learn and actually use in life, I guarantee that you don’t need school for them.
Still close to any of your ex(es)?
Not necessarily close, but we’re still good friends.
Would you kiss the last person who kissed you?
Of course!
Do you think there’s such a thing as Fate?
In general, no.
What were you doing an hour ago?
Asking someone when I could pick up my camera.
If you could have a special power, what would it be?
Read people’s minds. Teleportation would be second.
Do you know your best friend’s crush?
We haven’t been introduced ;)
Do you agree that usually, the second to the youngest children are the troublemakers? Nope, because in that case it would be my sister (the eldest) - and we all know I’m the troublemaker. She, on the other hand, usually just brings in trouble into her life hahahaha.
Do you like guy/girls with dimples?
Doesn’t matter
Honestly, do you think you’re tall?
Nope
Who was your cutest/prettiest class-muse?
Can’t even remember if we had a muse. I believe we chose a HS teacher as a muse and trust me, it wasn’t because she was pretty.
Any talents?
None; I’m a gaping void of worthlessness.
Single, Taken, Naked, or Flirt?
You mean who I am? or who I prefer? If it’s the former, then I’m a taken flirt. If it’s the latter then it doesn’t matter.
With whom?
I guess it (previous question) was the first then; with my girlfriend of course.
If someone other than your GF/BF liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Of course! It saves both parties a lot of headache to just lay everything on the table and grow/end from there.
Do you believe in long distance relationships?
Absolutely not. The only exception would be if you’re married and only if there’s a fixed time that both agreed on being apart - and of course it should be an absolute last-resort kind of situation.
How old will you be in 3 years?
3 years older.
Do you think you’ll be married by then?
Who knows ;)
Who was the last person you called; and who called you last?
Cris for both
What were you doing at midnight?
Updating software on all my machines
What happened at 11:00am today?
Can’t remember.
If you could be anywhere right now, where would it be?
With Cris.
What is your favorite dessert?
I’m not a dessert type person, but recently I love Sebastian’s ice-cream!
Do you like coffee?
Nope
What do you drink in the morning?
Water
Would you rather kiss someone with or without a tongue ring?
Doesn’t matter
Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
Whichever is cooler (temperature-wise of course)
What’s so good about Fridays?
That I don’t have to worry about work afterwards
Do you keep a piggy bank?
Yes… an awesome one at that!
Do you prefer the beach or a pool?
Any, as long as its fucking water, I’m a happy guy.
Can you roll your tongue?
A bit - I can do a three-leaf clover though :)

Ahhh, the memories!

webmaster@nargalzius.com — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:52:07 +0800

Good times!

Is recycling BS?

webmaster@nargalzius.com — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 12:43:11 +0800

Addendum

Being the sensible person that I am, I would never want to put a slanted take on any view in life. If there’s one thing I could be proud of, its how people I know admit that even if I say something they wouldn’t want to hear, it’s always something that’s gets them thinking - not because its interesting, not because its right or wrong, but usually because it’s real and true.

Thanks to a commenter below I have decided to do the sensible (and hopefully right) thing and admit that with this post - I went a bit overboard.

I’ve taken the time to revise some things I’ve said by ~~striking them out~~ and replacing them with more netural commentary.

~~I can’t stress enough how I’m dead serious about the title; it’s not some clever way to catch your attention.~~

I really invite everyone to take the time to watch the video below - I guarantee it’ll be one of the more ~~informative~~ stimulating half-hour shows you’ll ever get to watch.

And if you ~~agree with the message~~ see this video helping people do some critical thinking, then by all means spread this video. Here’s the embed code for it.

<embed src="http://www.veoh.com/veohplayer.swf?permalinkId=v7026747ZaXqbSpS&#38;id=anonymous&#38;player=videodetailsembedded&#38;affiliateId=&#38;videoAutoPlay=0" allowFullScreen="true" width="370" height="300" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed>

For those of you don’t know Penn and Teller, they are famous Las Vegas entertainers - magicians to be precise.

What makes them extremely popular is that their “shows” are notoriously known to have the intention of breaking the “magicians code” (to reveal the secrets behind their illusions)

In any case, it seems that despite being illusionists, these two by nature like to expose the hard cold facts/truths about anything - which is why they are known, loved, and respected the way they are.

Commentary

If you’re too lazy to watch the video (shame on you!), these are basically the things to take home.

With the exception of aluminum containers - recycling is an utter waste of taxpayers money.
Landfills do just as good of a job (if not better) and cost considerably less.
You aren’t saving the environment at all by recycling - there are even times that you may even be harming it by recycling.

1st world countries can probably afford to look at things in this perspective. 3rd world nations such as us, aren’t so lucky.

An example would be that proper landfills are strictly managed, regulated, and quarantined (water flow, gas emmisions etc. etc.) from any inhabitable area near it. This is not the case with nations like the Philippines.

The issue isn’t the waste per se being dumped in places like Smokey Mountain, but because they lack the infrastructure of upholding heath standards. As a result it literally affects the people around it.

So in our case, recycling isn’t more efficient, and it surely is not cost effective, but it is the only safer alternative for us health-wise.

Also, contrary to the film, limited resources such as plastics should be recycled despite the overhead involved.

If the women only tried...

webmaster@nargalzius.com — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 09:23:34 +0800

Sexes split over one night stands

Many women are left unhappy in the aftermath of casual sexual encounters, a survey has revealed.

Thank God for an article like this, I’ll finally get to say something I’ve come to realize - that I could never bring up out of the blue.

While the article obviously focuses on one-night-stands, I personally have noticed something significant and worthy of mention as far as heterosexual relationships go. I encompasses most of (if not all) relationship issues a woman may experience - that even the more complex/controversial issues, like in the article, are merely subsets.

I tried synthesizing different opinions/perspectives of various women I’ve had deep conversations with regarding relationship issues they were having. I would probably say this would be a great follow up to a post I wrote 3 years ago, which a friend of mine reminded me of because of its “accuracy” (she was a woman by the way so shut up)

Before I proceed, I feel compelled to remind everyone that while there may be exceptions, we all know most issues, or at least issues being blown out of proportion, are almost always the woman’s doing. If you’re a woman and disagree, feel free to drop me a line and counter this claim. But before going off your handle, at least try to hear why I think this is the case.

People may claim varying complexities and exceptions in their relationships to justify all sorts of arguments. And I’m not here to disabuse them as there are and will be special cases. But for the most part, if if you really distill most of these issues to the basic facts, the basic situations, etc., it boils down to just this:

Women see the glass as half-empty.
Men see the glass as half-full.

Don’t worry, I’m going to qualify and substantiate that claim in a while - so you won’t really get a chance to say I’m making a thoughtless, sweeping statement.

Preamble

As I said, I’ve already posted in the past some thoughts about the fundamental differences in women and men and why I think that women have a serious disadvantage which they really bring upon themselves. I don’t want to antagonize anyone early on in this post so just consider that statement as an observation.

It’s interesting to note that very little, if anything at all, has changed since that post. Almost everything I’ve said there still applies, and is constantly vindicated, no matter how many more “special” situations my friends (both male and female, and even I myself) have experienced over time. I’m still not claiming this to be absolute; the reason for which you’ll see at the end, but in our culture, it’s pretty much 99.9% accurate.

I’ve rationalized/sythesized the hell out of the different issues/situations/stories/experiences from me and my friends. And just for kicks, I’ll even justify the need to rationalize.¹

There is one new thing that I’d like to add to that post. I’ve realized, that by a certain time, the whole “eh kasi insert_gender_here”² argument doesn’t, or more accurately, shouldn’t hold water anymore. The reason for this is simple; if one side can use that argument to justify their gender’s preference on any given issue, it’s only fair that the other side could use the corollary to justify their postion - so ultimately the whole thing loses its purpose because they just cancel each other out. When that happens (and this is what puts the women at a disadvantage), we’re usually left with logic and reason.³

I have to be honest; I think that’s a good thing. Not because it gives the men (and some women) an advantage, but simply because its the only type of argument that will make sense regardless of which side its coming from. Emotions can change, but facts are fucking facts.

An analogy I would submit to exemplify this point is a woman PMSing, or a pregnant woman. That they’re hormonally imbalanced gives them temporary rights to be the way they are, and of course the men will accommodate their actions during those wonderful days of their lives. But make no mistake, ultimately both sides know who’s being illogical, who’s being unreasonable. This is because of rational thinking.

Rational thinking; it’s the common ground where both sides should be able to stand on equal footing. The reason why women are usually on the shorter end of the stick isn’t because they are incapable, but only because their emotions tend to tell them the exact opposite of what’s perfectly clear in their rational mind - and they still end up following the former! God knows why they do that, but that’s just how it is. And this is why I said this early on:

most issues, or at least issues being blown out of proportion, are almost always the woman’s doing.⁴

The reason why I think that emotional tendencies should only be acceptable during those “special” days/months is because if women didn’t keep that aspect of themselves in check, they’ll end up applying those tendencies every single goddamn second in a relationship. Even if only in small doses, those can add-up - and many decent relationships have been doomed because of that.

Now lets get to the meat

I’ve discussed the tendencies, I’ve discussed the underlying anatomical inclination, but now lets try dissecting what I think is the philosophical reason why women think this way. Just to remind you, the thesis is this:

Women see the glass as half-empty.
Men see the glass as half-full.

I’ve already said that the article is just a subset of issues that can spring forth from this notion, but let’s use it anyways.

Some of the their reasons for the encounters were because they felt there was the possibility of a longer term relationship.

That right there, why do they even think about that? It’s a fucking one night stand for pete’s sake. The longest anyone should think about it is for that ONE GODDAMNED NIGHT! Anything more than that and you automatically invalidate your right to being “right.” That you “can’t help it” is never an excuse - unless you’re PMSing or pregnant (in that case you shouldn’t even be having a one night stand, that’s just gross).

A fucking baby can eat shit because they “can’t help it,” it doesn’t make it acceptable in any terms.

But I’m not here to nitpick on those details. What’s interesting is why they think that way… why they see the lack of long-term opportunity as a problem. And common answer that will almost always unravel is this: half-empty.

I told this to a [woman] friend of mine who was experiencing such a dilemma during a fling⁵

You’re getting 70% of what you’d “like.”
And you’re complaining because you’re not getting the other 30%.
So where’s the sense in preferring to get nothing just because you can never have it all?

Now I have to admit, that setup was a “fling” and not really a serious relationship - so those values are applicable in that context. If it were a real romantic relationship, you’re entitled to expect more. I wouldn’t say it’s right, but you’re entitled to that opinion. Though you’d still be hard-pressed to find a man that can truly give you that without you having to resort to synthesizing some happiness. Plus, that doesn’t negate the fact that you were focusing on what was lacking, rather than being thankful of what was there.

So with that as an example, I invite all the women to think about all the times they argued with their significant others, their casual flings, their “special” friendships, etc. And I dare you to tell me that it wasn’t because you were disappointed with what you didn’t get, or aren’t getting. It’s not enough, it’s never enough… it’ll always be half empty.

Here’s an amusing experiment: who among you women readers actually caught this in the article:

Just under half of women who answered the internet poll, published in the journal “Human Nature”, said they felt it had been a bad idea.

That’s less than half. Meaning more women actually enjoyed such experiences. This is probably the only time where women will interpret the statistic as “half full;”⁶ that the majority of women are disappointed - perhaps in the hopes of deluding themselves that it’s really OK to have ridiculous expectations of/from men.

But going back to the article, this is the second and most important point I’d like to drive home… the very reason my post has its title.

Women can enjoy experiences just as they are if they just put their minds to it. Non-romantic experiences may just be blips in the greater scheme of things. The presence (or absence) of such experiences shouldn’t impact in your life drastically; they’re just bonuses - icing in the cake of life. But should should you indulge, here’s my take on it:

50%, hell, even 1% may be less than a hundred, but it’s certainly better than 0. So I ask you, do you really want to be miserable because of the 50-99% you technically don’t need in the first place? Or would you prefer to just enjoy that 1-50% as a bonus?

The math is so simple that it’s beyond me how women can turn these little “bonuses” into full blown life-altering issues by mere over-analysis.

Live a little. Have fun for the sake of fun. And maybe… just maybe, you’d look back at your life and see it as a series of wonderful “experiences/bonuses” instead of a ton of regrets.

It’s half full people. And if the women only tried to see it that way, everyone would be having a much more positive outlook in all types of relationships, serious or fleeting.

I don’t see how that can be a bad thing.

And for my friends, if ever you’re thinking “is something happening with him and Cris?” The answer is no. Cris and I are just peachy :)

I may be posting a lot of “relationship” commentaries recently, but it’s only because I know of at least 5 other people experiencing these issues - and they’re all women (what a surprise!)

Because I just know the last bastion of women would be to claim rationalization being incompatible with relationships (which are largely based on emotions) ↑
Because he’s/she’s a man/woman ↑
Because the “thing” that’s usually cancelled out, is the emotional side of things. ↑
I say “doing” and not fault, because it may be the man’s fault, but needlessly escalating the issues to dangerous levels will always be the woman’s doing. ↑
I know what you’re thinking! It WASN’T with ME ok? Hahahaha ↑
For the wrong reasons at that! ↑

Are you a visual thinker?

webmaster@nargalzius.com — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 09:22:27 +0800

via Daring Fireball:

Here’s another question I was recently asked: when I see words in my mind, what font are they in? The answer: Helvetica. What font do you think in?

- Douglas Coupland

Suprisingly, I have about 5; depending on my state of mind.

Is the Scientific Method obsolete?

webmaster@nargalzius.com — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 13:20:21 +0800

I got a kick reading an article by Wired’s editor in chief; which to me, was just intellectual masturbation (poorly executed at that), and hopefully would not be taken seriously. Then again, considering there are idiots who believe in “intelligent design,” I guess common sense would be too much to hope for.

The article suggests that given the abundance of available information through any form of media, statistical correlation supersedes causation. He [correctly] used Google as an example; wherein they are able to provide reliable search results by mere statistical analysis.

So basically, if you want to apply statistical correlation as truth, then one could suggest that hospitals kill people, because clearly the majority of deaths happen within their evil walls! And statistically, that correlation will increase over time… the horror! They must be destroyed.

Thankfully, Ars Technica was there to set things straight. But I personally can’t help being a bit fidgety, since Ars has been bought by Wired’s parent company - which is kinda ironic and amusing in a disturbing sort of way. It’s nice to know though that as of now, Ars still is a reliable source of intelligent information - let’s hope that never changes.

Bad boys really do get the most girls

webmaster@nargalzius.com — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:30:15 +0800

It’s official.

And the winning comment I saw was:

This concludes an episode of “WELL FUCKING DUH!” theater.

Tune in next week for the next episode: “Guess what color the sky is!”

Jokes aside, instead of using terms from the article like dark-triad and such, I would like to use “risk-takers” to describe these “bad boys.” Because good and bad is all just relative.

The meek will inherit the Earth eh? Sorry to say, as comforting as the beatitudes sound, living by them in modern times will literally result in you having a boring, uneventful life of ignorance. Meanwhile, the risk-takers are drinking your milkshake! So who exactly does the inheriting here? ;)

Face it, risk-takers experience a fuller life compared to the conservatives. They former may have a lot of hits and misses, but if you would compare their lives as a whole, I’m willing to bet my right eye that the when looking back, the latter will always have regrets while the former would feel… complete.

I really think the reason people are conservative isn’t really because they’re genuinely “morally upright,”¹ but because they are conditioned to fear that which they perceive to be “bad.” That’s why they end up being repressed in the long run. They may be content with how their lives turned out to be, but I have two words and a phrase for that:

Synthesized happiness
Ignorance is bliss

I don’t know about you guys, but I think actually living life would be a better goal to strive for - rather than trying to please everyone by fitting into a socio-cultural (and even religious) “mold.”

Because human tendencies clearly tell us that we’re not built that way. ↑

Some foxy lovin'

webmaster@nargalzius.com — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 00:43:26 +0800

Just for the heck of it, I checked the stats on my site as far as what browsers my readers have been using. Here’s the low-down:

I have to say that I’m glad the stats aren’t as dismal as BP’s site the last time I checked. Looks like most readers are savvy enough to know that internet Explorer is evil. Still there’s still roughly half that are still using IE, and given Firefox 3 is out, it doesn’t hurt to spread the word.

I really appreciate the work that was put in Firefox 3. Some people say nothing has really changed in their browser experience… not for me. Its definitely snappier than v2 among other things, but for the most part it’s those little things they’ve added that make it a winner in my book.

For example, one of the simple things they’ve implemented which to me, is one major improvement and just puts FF3 ahead in the game is this:

For those who don’t get what they’ve just seen. Firefox is able to match URLs to what you’ve typed even if the word you’re typing is located mid-stream of a URL. So like in the picture, typing in narga registered all URLs which contained the string regardless where it was located (e.g. notice how nargalzius was at the end of the Flickr URL and it still matched.)

For those of you who use the Apple laptops, Spotlight and Quicksilver do similar matching styles, so it may not be anything new to us, but it is worth mentioning that not even Safari has that matching capability right now - which is just daft considering it’s from Apple.

The best things in life are free

webmaster@nargalzius.com — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 00:03:26 +0800

Well not really “best” in this case, but it did make my day.

Just the other day, I was with Cris and for some reason I wanted to get me some Krispy Kreme on our way to Virra Mall.

For some strange reason, I was contemplating getting half a dozen pieces just so they would come in a box, which would be easier to bring (totally slipped my mind that they have little bags for smaller amounts).

Of course Cris put her foot down and said I should only get one else I’ll get fat. Plus lugging [and eating out of] a box in a mall is not cool. Suffice to say I ended up ordering just one.

To my surprise, they gave me 2 freshly baked pieces. I thought “cool, so I ended up getting my moneys worth; buy one get one for free” They do this often, but usually when I order a significant amount - I never expected it from an order of one measly piece.

Then they stretched out a bag with another piece inside. I was like “ano to?” (what’s this?) - to which the guy replied “Your order, sir!” Three Krispy Kreme donuts for the price of one… that was really cool!

What can I say, I’m shallow like that :)

RIP: George Carlin

webmaster@nargalzius.com — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 14:01:33 +0800

What the fuck is with all the deaths recently? Not that they can be helped, but I seriously think there are other people more deserving of death than the people I’ve been hearing about.

So now we’ve got Carlin kicking the bucket as well.

Why him? George Carlin is by far the greatest comedian I’ve ever come across. Why couldn’t it be one of those other rip-offs like Carlos Mencia? Joe¹-fuckin’-dammnit!

He will be sorely missed.

See what I did there? Watch the video to get it. ↑

Rest in Peace

webmaster@nargalzius.com — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 13:14:22 +0800

It’s certainly sad when death is the thing that brings us up to speed with the “lives” of people we haven’t seen in a long time. All the same; here’s to a fellow batch-mate and GSM bench-mate - rest in peace.

↑ Ansky

How stupid do they think we are!?

webmaster@nargalzius.com — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 11:39:50 +0800

So Denon’s selling digital interconnects at 500 dollars a pop. Cable is 5 feet btw in case anyone’s interested.

It’s basically an ethernet cable, which could be had at $3 at that same length. Yeah, it’s the same shit you use to connect your computer to broadband internetz.

I had tears in my eyes (from laughing) after reading one of the comments/reviews:

If I could use a rusty boxcutter to carve a new orifice in my body that’s compatible with this link cable, I would already be doing it. I can just imagine the pure musical goodness that would flow through this cable into the wound and fill me completely - like white, holy light. Holding this cable in my hands actually makes me feel that much closer to the Lord Jesus Christ.

I only make $6.25/hr at Jack in the Box, but I saved up for three months so I could have this cable. It sits in a shrine I constructed next to my futon in Mother’s basement.

I only gave it four stars in my review because I can’t find music that is worthy enough to flow through this utterly perfect interconnect.

Ok I know this is pretty obvious, but just in case there are people too stupid to fully grasp the fundamental concept behind the word “digital” I’m going to explain it as simple as possible.

While analog data is basically fluctuations in frequencies (waveforms if you will), digital information is just bits - 1s and 0s to be precise.

Applying it to Audio

So having said that, applying that to audio of any kind - what’s the most obvious thing you will notice? That in digital communication, it’s an all or nothing game. Either you get the data as intended or you don’t get it at all.

With analog signals, we’ve have EMI or all sorts of noise/interference that can be introduced into the waveform data; which is why it’s reasonable to invest in analog interconnects. I have to stress the term reasonable - because there are companies that just take everything to a ridiculous level - and at that point, it all becomes absurd once again.

But again, when talking analog, you can see how quality of materials, sheilding, lengths, etc. can make a difference - because the analog waveform can be altered by different external factors.

And because the the audio converter will interpret that data as is, if the frequency has been altered by interference, you will hear it - which is why you have noise and hum and such.

In digital information however, you only have two states to contend with. 1/0, on/off, etc. Outside interference cannot make that information turn into a 1.58 or -36 because the converter will still read that as either a 0 or 1. Those 0s and 1s ultimately make up the audio waveform.¹

So what does this digital presentation of information entail?

Putting it all into perspective.

Let’s just assume you have the absolute best equipment money can buy in your home setup - just so we can eliminate whatever external interference can introduce.² Lets just say for kicks that you’ve got a cable that uses conducting material from the lost city of Atlantis and protected by no less than God’s pure love.

Now once your “system” starts getting that ~~High Definition inter-racial porn~~ lossless audio torrent files from the internetz, now what kind of cables do you think your data will eventually pass through? That’s right; it’s your regular twisted-pairs that are also used for dial-up.³ If you don’t believe me, then why not just look at your Cable/DSL modem and check what type of connection you’ve got from the modem to your wall.

Yet, as if by magic, you still get that lossless audio file in all its… err… lossless glory? How is that even possible given the attenuation of the signal, interference from powerlines, and whatever external force in the outside environment⁴ on which these cables have to traverse. Clearly it’s some sort of sorcery is it not?

No! It’s because coupled with error-correction (which I will not bother to discuss here), digital information is more accurate and resilient in the sense that you are only concerned with two states. And let me demonstrate how this is applies in real world terms.

Putting even more perspective.

Imagine being in a football field. Then seeing a person at the end of the field - they may be miniscule, but [I’d like to think] he’s still visible enough let you know if he’s got his hands up in the air, or down. It may be difficult to discern the “in-betweens,” which is analogous to analog (see what I did there?); like has he got his hands straight up or is it about 90% up; but that doesn’t matter! What matters is if they’re up or not (1 or 0). And that explains how reliable digital information can be.⁵ There will be a point where he may be too far (attenuation) to even see his hands, and that’s where the signal boosters come in, but that’s out of the scope of this discussion.

Pulling it all together.

So again, with most (if not all) digital information transfer, any sort of interference of the magnitude experienced by the average user will not impact the quality of the data. Hence in audio, once your converter starts converting that digital data back into analog form for your speaker, you basically did not lose any quality… REGARDLESS of the digital cable you used.

I’d go as far as to say that audio degradation is only affected at each analog point of your system.

For example, you have your computer (digital) connected to the amp via regular RCA (analog) then the amp to your speaker (analog) the possibility of audio degradation would be in the last two connections. If you had computer (digital) to amp via TosLink or SPDIF (digital) to speaker (analog) then the only degradation would only be at the last stage - which is usually unavoidable⁶

But going back to those Denon interconnects mentioned above (or any “premium” digital cable⁷ for that matter), it’s an utter waste of money because even the cheapest alternatives will perform just as well… especially if you’re just transferring data (of whatever sort) a couple of feet away - and especially because it’s digital.

Unlike in analog, the audio waveform IS the waveform itself. ↑
Of course this isn’t applicable unless you’re dealing with ridiculously long lengths, but I’ll indulge you a bit. ↑
Or your regular coaxial if you’re on cable. ↑
Not to mention that the actual data passing through the world is actually analog as well - that’s why we’ve got modems; MOdulate, DE-Modulate; which basically means the 0s and 1s are converted to waveforms/frequencies, passed through the world, then converted back to 1s and 0s. I just blew your mind. ↑
And is proven by how we can get anything from the intarweb. ↑
Unless the speaker has digital interconnects and a D/A converter inside each cabinet - in which case your whole path to the speaker could be all digital. ↑
Whether it be for audio, video, or data ↑

Survey: Dumb moments

webmaster@nargalzius.com — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 23:24:13 +0800

Got this from Rita

A score of 18 or lower means you’re not stupid.

[ ] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking.
[ ] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking.
[x] You have ran into a glass/screen door.
[ ] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
[x] You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks.

Total so far = 2

[ ] You have ran into a tree.¹
[ ] It IS possible to lick your elbow
[ ] You just tried to lick your elbow.
[ ] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same rhythm.
[ ] You just tried to sing them.
[ ] You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.
[ ] You have choked on your own spit.
[ ] You have seen the the Matrix and still don’t get it.
[x] You didn’t notice that in the last question “the” was spelled twice
[x] You just looked at it.
[ ] Your hair is blonde/dirty blonde.
[x] People have called you slow.

Total so far = 5

[ ] You have accidentally caught something on fire
[ ] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes/cheek.
[ ] You have caught yourself drooling.
[x] You’ve fallen asleep in class
[ ] If someone says “fart” you laugh.
[ ] You just laughed.

Total so far = 6

[x] Sometimes you just stop thinking
[x] You tell a story and forget what you were talking about
[ ] People are often shaking their heads and walking away from you
[ ] You are often told to use your “inside voice.”
[ ] You use your fingers to do simple math.

Total so far = 8

[ ] You have eaten a bug.
[x] You are taking this test when you should be doing something important
[x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it
[x] You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand or pocket

Total so far = 11

[ ] You sometimes post bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t even when you know it won’t happen to you.
[ ] You break a lot of things.
[ ] Your friends know not to use big words around you
[x] You sometimes tilt your head when you’re confused
[ ] You have fallen out of your chair before
[x] When you’re laying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling

Grand total = 13

Ummm, yay?

Technically, I ran around a PLANT - and got my eardrum pierced by one of its branches. ↑

Synthesizing Happiness

webmaster@nargalzius.com — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 14:58:16 +0800

What do you call the process of looking a the brighter side of things - when you see the glass as half-full instead of the other way around? Positive thinking? Sure, we can call it that.

But what if it’s something you clearly had not wanted, but just convinced yourself eventually that it was all for the best? Here are the two top examples which illustrate such a scenario:

Any person (most of the time, it’s the woman) who has settled for less than what they had really wanted in a partner.
Any parent who thinks their child is perfect - bonus points if the child has an actual mental or physical handicap.

It’s those people which these two words are perfect for: Synthesized Happiness.

I know, I’m sooo going to get one of those kids because of that previous statement, but that’s beside the point. The point is why take the time to explain this statement?

The reason is simple. I can see myself using the term “synthesized happiness” a lot in future arguments; particularly because it’s surprising how much of the “issues” people have are related to it. I figured that during those times I get to use the term, I just utter these two words, and link it back to this post so that any un-initiated reader can fully grasp the concept behind the phrase.

I got the term from one of the talks I watched on TED.¹ You can watch the video at the end of this post to grasp the concept in its entirety. But for those too lazy to take a few minutes (fine, it’s half-an hour) here’s a summary:

Basically, one of the things that makes us [humans] special is the ability to “synthesize happiness” - which is the ability to manufacture happiness by convincing one’s self that we are just as happy, if not even happier, after being put in a “less than satisfactory” situation.

Again, if you’re having trouble trying to imagine how this would apply to everyday life, look above at the scenarios I’ve given… or just watch the video.

Dan Gilbert: Why are we happy? Whe aren’t we happy?

In conclusion, it’s worth mentioning that synthesized happiness is neither good nor bad. As the video suggests, it’s just as potent, just as real as natural happiness, and we all have done it… far more times we’d like to admit.

‘Tis nothing good or bad. Only thinking makes it so.

In fact, I’d submit that if it weren’t for synthesized happiness, we’d all be manic depressive by now. But you have to admit, its kinda cool to be aware the times you’re actually doing it.

On a totally unrelated note, TED is AWESOME. You’d be doing yourself a favor if you actually immerse yourself in TED content. ↑