There was a post about an incident during an open party which sparked so much attention. Read about it here. And read the organizer’s side here

While it is true that a bunch of things have to be addressed with regards to the party(ies) nowadays, I can’t help but feel a tad frustrated as to how both ends of the spectrum are seeing this. To me, both sides have raised legitimate points (yes, even the whole “that’s society today” argument, to me, is valid), but I think they all went a bit overboard as to the sense of entitlement they think they deserve.

So let me try to tackle this complex issue as best I can.

Without going to much detail now (there’ll be a lot of that in a minute) here are quick points I’d like to get across.

1. The issue people should be focusing on is proper accountability and enforcing of “house rules” (rules which these parties should have had in the first place)… not ways to “ban” these parties in and of themselves.
2. Schools are not to blame for this…. period. These parties were held outside of the schools – hence outside of their jurisdiction. And while it’s entirely up to the schools, they have no obligation to take action in addressing these events – nor should any parent expect it from the school (again, see #1)
3. Organizers should be wary of “worst case scenarios” when attempting to mount these types of events – this includes the decision to engage in “questionable” activities (liquor served to minors etc.)
4. These events are opt-in sorts of things… which ultimately means a lot of responsibility is on the partygoers. That the incident that sparked this issue had turned out the way it did is indeed unfortunate – but again, ultimately no one was forced to attend these parties. It’s just a case of extreme bad luck.

So most of my drilling down will basically revolve around these 4 points… only to great detail (so you have been warned). But I guess the point I’d really like to make is that it is really easy to get carried away when it’s your own child at the business end if the “incident.” And I have to admit if it were my child, I’d probably feel the same.

But if you really look at it, the whole “What if it was your child” argument being used by most parents is pretty lame. And again, the problem really isn’t that they’re making a stink of it (like I said, I’d feel the same if it was my kid) the problem is the degree in which they’re willing to take it to. It’s good to find accountability, but you should be informed exactly where that accountability is to be searched from. What parents are trying to do is do a blanket banning of these parties, holding schools responsible for events that aren’t sanctioned by them.

If I go to Quiapo wearing something that would make me a prime candidate for a mugging, then that’s exactly what’s going to happen. It obviously isn’t my fault that I got mugged (as mugging is wrong no matter what) but I personally could’ve prevented it either by dressing down, bringing some sort of protection, having enough reliable friends come along, or to simply not go to Quiapo.

It’s also worth mentioning that things like this still can happen no matter how prepared you are. My GF was a victim of a holdup twice; the second time she was even slashed in her arms for trying to defend herself (or her “stuff” more precisely. I swear teachers and their papers; mas mahalaga pa ang test paper kesa sa buhay nila apparently). No matter how emotional I was about it, it ultimately was sheer bad luck. The only way she could’ve avoided that was to stay in the front, or simply not commute. ¹ Recently though, Cris was given a car – so problem solved

I’m not saying they deserve what they get (just like the mugging/bus analogy)… but they should be informed/prepared – so that they can avoid it (if possible). Quarantining Quiapo, or petitioning a change in Bus liners’ policies is hardly the sensible thing to do – and it seems that these parents would rather go that route from what I’m reading.

Nothing New

My GF’s high school class used to host open parties as well – there weren’t any mobile bars then IMHO ² in fact, one of her classmates is the founder of one of those mobile bars mentioned in the open letter They ran the gamut as far as “purposes” go: One was done to raise funds for the Prom, one was for taking a barkada trip to Enchanted, another was done just for the fun of it (they didn’t make money out of it)

They still had free flowing drinks despite not having mobile bars (they took shifts manning the “bar”) So yes, even then, they were in high-school and were serving liquor… which techincally was (and still is) illegal. But the thing is their parties (like many others) had no issues.

I guess the difference today is the number and kind of people attending. Thanks to the internet, and the use of viral marketing, you can easily reach out to a wider “market” (not just friends who know other friends) – and unfortunately, that market can be very diverse – and I think that’s a major part of the issue… not the parties in and of themselves.

There’s no place for violent people in parties. Parties are places for fun, not to prove faggotry. And whether or not the “victim” had indeed offended the woman, etc. Ganging up on anyone is a faggot move. Period. Kung pinsan mo nga yon, at totoong na-offend siya, then ikaw lang makipag-away. But as with all faggots, he probably couldn’t take the kid on his own so he had to have a group to do it with him.

Focus, People!

If I were to pigeonhole “accountability” – I’d put it mostly on three entities: The organizers of the particular event (in a limited capacity), the offending partygoers and the whole security team. The latter two would have full accountability. And here’s why:

Any venue/event that involves alcohol can turn out like this regardless of the people involved. It doesn’t matter if you’re high-school, college, a young professional or an old fart. When you’ve been drinking; you can lose inhibitions, so if you have an event that involves drinks the first thing you should beef up on is security/crowd control. Besides, you don’t need to have booze to need security at any event. Wowowee was liquor free, so was the whole Valley Golf incident… and the latter was even started by a grown man, so there.

So it’s those three, not the schools, not the “society” at large (and its “values”).

Security

That the incident was because of drunkenness, passion, or just plain modus operandi is irrelevant from a security standpoint. A full-on drunken brawl which involves everyone is much more severe – and events that involve liquor should be able to handle that “worst-case” scenario.

The incident mentioned in the blog should’ve been an easy thing to diffuse by security – considering they were only kids – possibly even minors. The guards/bouncers were there – but didn’t do what they were paid to do. They didn’t serve their purpose. They are being commissioned to keep the peace, so that particular responsibility, would ultimately be in their hands. And they failed. Period. Go straight to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

Organizers

Now if it’s proven that the security hired was inadequate (i.e. not enough to handle the number of people involved) then more responsibility would now be with the organizers ³ just like the Wowowee incident – because you do not mount anything that contains risk without thinking it through. Always prepare for the worst – lalo na kung me inuman.

There’s also the fact that the “shit hit the fan” – in which they will now be forced to deal with the legality of their party; also a risk they took when they decided to mount a liquor-filled high-school event. That’s illegal no matter how you slice it. I don’t think the incident had anything to do with being intoxicated, but it’s worth mentioning because its a legal technicality that can bite them later (or now).

Now I don’t have something stuck in my ass that’ll make me say something like “they shouldn’t have these illegal parties” or “during my day it was different.” Because these kids have a point as well; we were young once – and we know the rush of breaking rules and just having fun – and that’s what they were trying to do. Besides, have the detractors ever been to a party with the Soberclub? There’s a reason why they’re called that. Their goal isn’t to get people shitfaced, but to just have them drink and have fun. Their drinks are in fact, very much diluted – so I find it hard to believe you can even get drunk unless you really tried… and I don’t drink – so that’s saying something! And yes, I have been to [private] parties with them as the mobile bar.

But just like how the parents went overboard with their sense of entitlement (holding anyone and everyone they please accountable) these kids had their share selfish assumptions as well.

The “everyone today is doing it / you were also young once” argument only holds when you’re not caught. You can’t use that as an argument to feel entitled to what you’re doing (drinking underage) – because you legally don’t have that right (yet). At best, you’re lucky you’re able to do it and not get caught – just like kids who get to drive underage, drink underage, take drugs, smoke, etc. etc. Those are exceptions, not the rules.

While I will not judge anyone for trying to have fun, but please, if you do get caught… don’t try to weasel your way out of responsibility by comparing notes with the rest of society. If others mounted similar parties successfully, then they did something right… you obviously screwed up somewhere… so own that mistake. If you want to be treated like grown-ups, ⁴ as these parties are desperately trying to “prove”… and failing miserably then start with taking responsibility for your actions.

Parents

As far as the “bigger picture” goes, factoring in all the grays (or colors) in what people like to treat as a black and white situation, frankly, violence was the only issue here. Not the diminishing sexual values, not the illegal liquor serving. There’s no law against promiscuity; ⁵ I’m talking about the sexually charged atmosphere of these parties today unless there were people doing public sexual exhibitions (and no, spooning while dancing doesn’t count), I don’t think anyone but the party-goers themselves should be held accountable for that.

Parents love to claim that modern societal values are ruining the newer generation; vices, sex, drugs, violence, etc. And while they do have a point, here’s something to chew on:

George Carlin said that “Children don’t smoke because a Camel in Sunglasses told them to – they smoke for the same reasons adults do”

So let me ask the adults this: Why do you smoke? You know it can kill you right? What makes your decision to engage in such a vice any better than a kid who’s experiencing peer pressure? The answer is it doesn’t matter – the decisions kids/adults make are more of a function of our capacity to decide, rather than the forces that influence us.

Sex, like smoking, drinking, or any other vice… depends on the person and his/her desires – nothing can stop that, not even hyper-parenting. ⁶ In fact, “hyper-parents” are ones who tend to get the really rebellious kids I was never banned from smoking and drinking as a kid, but I never developed the habit of them. And for the “vices” that I do indulge in, I make it a point to engage in them responsibly.

Likewise, my GF and her sister are polar opposites in terms of personality/vices, but they had the exact same type of parenting (duh) – so how do you explain that? ⁷ In fact, my Mom and I are opposites as well, so there Yes, it may be the company they/we keep – but again, do parents have control over that? They really don’t – even if they think they do. It ultimately depends on the person in question and their mental fortitude.

Whatever you see in the media, or what goes on in society, that’s free speech. If you don’t agree with it, don’t take part in it. No need to ban them… just don’t be involved. It’s also your choice to allow your kid or not to take part in them. If your kid ends up hating you for it, then you’ll just have to live with it. I’m sure a child hating you would be a small price to pay for keeping them safe from a 1/100 chance of getting themselves beat up, or date-raped, etc. Or you can be a cool parent and let them enjoy and just hope they’re smart/lucky enough to not get into trouble. You can’t have it both ways.

Either way, it’s not really up us if our kids want to be “in” or not, it’s up to them.

Partygoers

There’s no debate about the offending partygoers (bullies/faggots) – they obviously should be hunted down and be brought to justice. So I won’t even bother with them.

With the “victim(s)” however, I’m on the fence. Just as I said earlier – the decision to be a whistleblower is so much easier when you’ve been screwed over. I’m not going to knock on the kid though, whatever decision he makes is his right to do so, and given he got his ass kicked needlessly, I’d say the deserves some slack.

But I will say this: I really believe in the freedom of people to choose and take responsibility for what they do.

Here’s a comment from the blog post:

What do you get when you show young vulnerable Catholic school Filipino children all the “cool” western-type parties, ways of life, etc? Pair that up with all the frantic social climbing and brand-crazy culture reflected in all the current glossies and movies (all of which are not bad in themselves). Of course they want a piece of it too.

This is certainly a force to be reckoned with – the power of “social (in)adequacy” – I really can’t blame anyone for falling victim to that. I can only speak for myself, but if they’re too weak to be secure with who they are… and need to fit in, then that’s their decision… and they should be prepared for whatever undesirable mishaps that they might experience along the way.

Overall

While it is true that “the social” has a great influence over the youth of today (barkada, etc.), bottom line is people have a choice. I believe I said this in a previous post, the best thing to do is educate, not shield them from these experiences. The saying below is about sex, but it can really be applied to all things – especially in a society that prefers to “just say no” instead of actually going through the details.

Abstinence-only sex education is synonymous with teaching ignorance. We’ve tried ignorance for a thousand years, don’t you think it’s time we tried something else?
Kidder Kaper -Sex is Fun Podcast

So that saying makes a very good point. Social influence (whether negative or positive) is here to stay – we have a choice of spending forever on a [possibly losing] battle of trying to go against the changing times or we can work with what we have now and make the best of it.

I believe in education, not mitigation. Simply trying to “shield” society from undesirables is ignorance at its finest. You know sex is prevalent with young people – and after more than twenty centuries, the best idea you can come up with is to teach them to just say no!? You fucking deserve a pregnant teenage daughter if that’s the case.

How about this: Tell them that they’re too young for it, explain the implications of having a child and why it’s a bad idea at their age. If you’re a parent (bonus points if you’re a young parent), use your own experience as an example. But if you think they’re the type that would go ahead and do it anyways (because I sure as hell was one of those kids), then why not teach them about condoms and pills as well – it doesn’t hurt to keep all the bases covered right?.

As much as we want to think the best of our children, we are not our children, just as much as they are not us. And to borrow once again some wisdom from George Carlin:

Children are just like any other adult; a few winners… and a whole lot of losers!

The question is are you willing to bet on which one your kid will be? We all want or even think our kids will be winners. Are you willing to wager on that? I’d rather not take any chances and assume they’ll get into trouble and educate them as best I can.

We certainly have a right to search for accountability for the violence that ensued. But to judge these kids according to how they value certain things at their age is unfair. Its not our place to be telling our children what’s fun to them or not. That’s why humans have different phases in their lives; each phase contributes to the whole. The things that mattered to you when you were a child to when you were a teenager, to when you were an adult, and when you’re on your deathbed, are all part of your life. No matter how much these “things that matter” have changed over time, they are just as important at the time you were experiencing them.

Just because us older people “know better,” doesn’t mean we have to force children to live life exactly like how we did (or how we think we ought to have). Being young, with all it’s stupidity and arrogance, is part of growing up. I personally wouldn’t want to rob anyone of their “youth” – no matter how different it is from mine.

But that’s just me. Tell you all about it when I get a kid of my own hahahahaha. Take note of this post, I’ll try to prove my point(s) with my own kid(s) when the time comes – shouldn’t be too soon anyways.

Food for thought

Here’s one last thing I’d like to mention as to why I’d rather not ban these parties.

As unfortunate as this particular incident is – it’s still better that you know where the hell your children are.

These “parties,” even when outlawed, will still persist – mark my words. Just like drugs or piracy, if people want them, it doesn’t matter what the law or parents say – they will find ways to get them… or get to them.

Having said that, I’d rather not see the day where my child would have to lie to me just to go to these sorts of things (because I myself have done it to my parents when I was young)… and not knowing where they are should the worst happen to them. I may not agree with what they they find “fun” or not, but goddamnit, I’d rather they be open enough to keep me in the loop.

It’s much easier to avoid/prepare for trouble if you’re “aware” of it.